Why Write About Myself?
Writing about reality rather than fiction can be difficult, but there may be some benefits to it.
Writing about myself isn’t usually my favorite thing to do. In fact, if I were given the choice between writing a novel or a memoir, I would choose the former option in a heartbeat.
In the seven years since I’ve started getting more serious about writing, I’ve always loved writing fiction the most. One of the most enjoyable activities for me is creating my own characters and worlds, where I’m the one that decides what my characters are like, what obstacles they face along the way, and how they learn to overcome it all. Of course, I think it can be just as fun to consume stories through the various forms of media out there, but when you’re the one creating the story, you get complete control over how everything goes. No need to worry over your favorite characters dying or ending up with someone you don’t think is right for them or some strange plot twist that makes no sense, because it’s all in your hands. Plus, all the filter along the way never fails to be fun.
Whereas if you’re telling true stories about yourself and the ideas that matter to you, you don’t get as much freedom to write what you want as you do with fiction. For such work, you must be as honest as possible, forcing yourself to recall events you may feel better off forgetting or dive into issues you may not be comfortable looking into. You may risk giving a narrative where the facts or events you describe are technically true, but which are told in a way that’s still misleading. For instance, you could write an essay about all your accomplishments since you were eighteen and brag about how you got amazing grades in college, served as president for three different clubs, and just recently completing a novel, but you could leave out the parts where you never had a close relationship with anyone at the time, you dropped certain courses you were struggling in to maintain those good grades, and you’re still working at McDonald’s despite all your accomplishments because your degree is not in high demand right now.
If that’s the case, then why am I even bothering to start my own blog?
Put simply, I think there’s a lot about myself that’s worth writing about.
I’ve lived the sort of life which people could easily write stories about. As a child, my mother escaped an abusive relationship with my father twice, so we were constantly moving around and switching schools until I was ten years old. Because of this, I had neither a stable family life nor many close friends to help me get through the hard stuff for years. Instead, I found ways to escape through the books I read and the TV shows and movies I watched. People can be too critical of the way people become obsessed with fictional worlds ( in whatever form of media they may be), but I can say from experience that if it wasn’t for the way I immersed myself into other worlds, I think my situation would have been much harder than it actually was.
Also, the exact year we started settling down, both my younger sister and I were diagnosed as autistic. This diagnosis had a major impact into the way we were educated, the way other people saw us, and how we saw ourselves.
For a while, I felt some shame over this diagnosis because some people at the time still tried to make it out as a bad thing, as if you were too different from other people if you had this disability and you didn’t have much chance at a good future as a result. Of course, some people were starting to see that some autistic individuals had potential, leading to more discussion on the strengths of those with autism in addition to the many known struggles they faced. However, I still had to deal with this stigma both externally in the way I had to deal with the people who misunderstood my disability and thought of me as helpless or dumb as a result and internally through my struggles to overcome my own shame over being considered disabled and accept other autistic people who weren’t as high functioning as I was.
By the time I started community college at the age of nineteen (I had to take a year off from school due to an inability to sign up for financial aid during my senior year), I was gaining more acceptance of myself, and I was determined to make the most of my college experience. Before I even started classes, I submitted a total of three poems to the college’s literary journal, thinking I had nothing to lose by trying to put my work out there for others to read. During that first semester, I did very well, getting good grades in all classes, joining many clubs and organizations on campus, and doing a lot of reading and viewing of films during my spare time. Months went by without me knowing what happened with the poems I submitted, and although I was concerned about this, much of what I accomplished could have made up for that possible early rejection.
But of course, when I found an email that December stating that one or more of my poems had been accepted for publication in the literary journal, I was ecstatic. I’d been in college for less than a year, yet I managed to do something which took some students years to achieve! I felt like I had a promising career ahead of me, as if anything I committed myself to writing had a good chance at being published. And when I later found out that all three of the poems I submitted had been published, it made me even more hopeful about my future as a writer. As a result, I threw myself into my work, writing several more poems, short stories, and chapters of a novel in the hopes that I could get even more of my work out there for the world to read.
However, despite all my ambition, the next couple of pieces I submitted to this same journal for the next semester got rejected. I was disappointed about this, but moving on from this failure was easy enough. I went on to join the editorial team of this literary journal during my second and third years at community college and had a couple more stuff published there during that time. Academically, I did well enough, striving in some classes while doing fair enough in others. I had to drop a math class due to a bad grade I was getting during my second year, but who says you must be great at everything? Once I was done with that class, I had more time to focus on my other classes and extra curriculars. My plans were to dedicate myself to writing classes and eventually transfer to another college so I could pursue either a major or minor in English, depending on what suited me best.
But even with everything I was accomplishing in school, I didn’t seem to be getting far in other areas. I was still living at home with my family, with no driver’s license or regular income of my own, and finding an actual job was difficult. The first job interviews I ever had (for the school newspaper and the college bookstore, respectively) were failures, and other places where I applied at wouldn’t give me a response of any kind. The one time I did get one, for the Dollar Store which was close to where I lived, my mother and stepfather refused to allow me to go to the interview because they thought I would have to do something that they believed would be difficult for me, like working behind the cash register or lifting heavy boxes. They still believed that my disability would hold me back from accomplishing anything outside of school, and they made a point of reminding me of this quite regularly.
As a result, by the time I graduated from community college after four years, I could not transfer to another school. Instead, I started working with a job coach so that I would have a better chance at getting a job somewhere. It took months to do, but I eventually landed a seasonal position at Target that October. That may seem like nothing for many of the more accomplished folks out there, but I was just as happy about getting this position as I’d been about getting my poems published back when I was in college. This first job felt like a new path towards independence for me, where I could depend less on my parents and more on my own abilities to get by in life.
So, where am I two years later?
I now work for a small market research company at a mall. I earn minimum wage, but the hours are flexible and I’m able to get there easily enough either by getting a ride from my parents or taking the bus. I haven’t had any other work published in years, but the end of my time in college didn’t mean an end to my interest in writing. I committed to writing the first draft of novel, which I started during National Novel Writing Month in 2018 and completed last summer. As of now, I’m trying to complete the second draft of this novel while also getting started on a second novel. It’s far from easy, yet I still think I might get a chance at being published again if I try hard enough.
It’s this series of struggles and accomplishments which I believe have led me to take more interest in writing about myself through a blog. We’re living in a time where I’m not the only one who can claim to be having a hard time, where not only are people more divided than ever before, but they’re also realizing that life is much shorter and more riskier than they ever could have imagined. This realization is causing a lot of frustration in many of us, to the point where we may shut others off and wish we could simply do things our way. We either end up obsessing over how doomed we are or denying that there’s anything wrong in the first place.
My experiences have taught me that there’s another path we can pursue during these unprecedent times. We can accept that things are changing in an overwhelming way and take the necessary steps to take care of ourselves while also remaining hopeful that things can change for the better and motivating ourselves to pursue certain goals we may have pushed aside now that we have extra time to work on them.
And in an age where it’s difficult to discuss certain ideas with others without invoking hostility, I think it’s good to have a platform where I can give my opinions in a candid yet respectful way while also encouraging readers to learn more about those topics I write about and find ways to discuss them with others in a meaningful way. This isn’t to say that I intend to be highly political on here, but rather that I may bring up issues that I have a strong urge to discuss, whether it be related to my disability or something going on in literary communities or pop culture, which I feel need better exploration than we may be seeing on social media, major publications, or on TV. I feel like the more we can encourage true discussion and debate rather than just more criticism and condemnation of others, the better off we can all be.
Overall, I hope that you will find this blog to be informative, inspiring, and fun at the same time. One week, you may find a blog post about my experiences with writing or my love of long walks, and the next you may find my thoughts on fanfiction, rating systems, or a book I’ve just read. It may feel too random at times, but you’ll get the chance to read about different topics and maybe learn a thing or two in the process. Hopefully, these ramblings are just as fun to read as my stories are, if not more so.
Yours is an amazing story! I am so glad that you've shared your blog with me. I like the insights and the intent of your blog and look forward to future posts! :) Reading and writing has been a huge escape for me as well; very thankful to have both in my life.