Stop Expecting Perfect Pictures

Why we should stop wishing all our pictures looked great.

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash

For many years, taking class pictures wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me. I quickly learned that getting that nice smile which got your relatives and friends to compliment you and tell you how nice you looked took a bit of work. If there was something that seemed a little off about your smile, you could get comments about how awful you looked, about how it looked as if you were in the bathroom or that you seemed like a clown or an animal, rather than hearing that you looked like a princess or a Barbie.

For some reason, there was always something that didn’t seem right about my own pictures, and my mom always criticized some aspect of my school pictures during those years when I managed to bring a copy home. I’m reminded of this episode of South Park where Butters gets grounded by his parents just because they don’t like his school picture, in which he’s simply smiling very widely just like any other little kid would. Sometimes no matter how normal you may look, your parents or others you know will always find something to be critical about.

If you smile, your eyes or lips might be in awkward positions that make you look as if you were crazy or dumb, with your smile being too lopsided or your eyes constantly blinking, or you might be showing off too much teeth. It doesn’t always matter if there’s an explanation for this, like if you’re outside and the strong sun keeps bothering your eyes or, like me, you have some sensory issues that might make it hard for you to do something like take off your glasses for a photo, because you’re usually bound to hear some complaint or other over how that picture isn’t perfect enough. If you don’t smile at all, that might be worse because then you’ll keep getting asked why you didn’t make an effort along with comments that you’d look so much more beautiful if you just smiled and that photos where you’re serious don’t look good at all. It’s usually one thing or another for those who can’t be satisfied with your photos.

Years later, I’m still not the best at taking pictures. But in the age of selfies, it’s a bit easier to take pictures at the right moment, as you can see for yourself whether your smile is too awkward, whether your eyes are at the right position, and whether your hair is just right. Not being naturally photogenic isn’t as big of a problem when you do it yourself. Once you’ve got the right smile, have adjusted your hair just as you like it, and have the right amount of makeup on, you have a good chance of getting just the right picture. No need of having to deal with a photographer telling you to say cheese, or your parents or friends constantly telling you to move this way or that, while always having something to say about the way you look. If you’re fine with the way you look, that’s usually enough.

And yet, it may still not come out right. You might notice how the pores on your face are still visible, or the lighting on your phone isn’t good enough, so you look either too dark or bright in the photo. And there’s still a chance that there’s something off about that smile, that it’s too wide or looks forced. So even when you’re the one in full control of how you look, you still risk taking a bad picture of yourself.

There might be some people for whom this doesn’t matter; after all, the goal behind certain pictures is to capture a good moment, and it probably matters more that the picture is of good quality rather than how good you look within the photo. Perhaps a bad smile or the squinting of the eyes is something that can just be laughed about and isn’t a source of embarrassment at all.

However, for me, given how often I’ve been criticized over my pictures and how difficult it can be for me to give a decent smile or just look normal in certain photos, this hasn’t always been something I enjoy. It sometimes got to the point where I would be hesitant to get photos taken, and that hesitation could sometimes result in the pictures turning out worse than they might have been otherwise.

Just recently I had a couple different results when getting my photo taken. The first was on the day of my birthday, when I had several photos taken around our table where I came off looking sad and serious. In several of these, I was either trying to give a small smile or just not smiling at all. My mom and stepdad had all sorts of complaints about this, and all I could say was that I was trying to make an effort. It almost seems hard for them to understand that I won’t always look great even if I want to, especially when they have a habit of taking a ton of photos at the time.

But on my sister’s birthday, I managed to get one good picture taken while we were at an outlet mall, and in it I was not just smiling, but also showing off my teeth, something which I’ve tried to avoid doing after being advised against it as a kid. I got praised for how good I looked and was told that I should try looking that way more often. I was pleased with how this photo turned out, but not so pleased with all the expectations they still had of me.

So sometimes I’ll have luck with photos and other times I won’t. If more people could accept this, it would probably make the task of taking pictures a bit easier. But since photos aren’t always meant to please just yourself but also other people who might see it and make their own judgements about you based on how you look in it, this often makes it all more difficult than it should be.

And perhaps this holiday season would be better if we could accept both the good and the bad photos. It may not always be possible due to our desire have everything look beautiful and perfect, but we often have that same problem when it comes to celebrating Christmas or other holidays, so maybe if we could accept that it won’t always this way for those holiday pictures either and be willing to laugh over what comes off as being less than perfect, we might all be a bit happier this December.