Petty Habits Ch.9

In which things start going better for Lilli.

                                                             Lilli

As soon as I had some time for myself after getting home late Sunday afternoon, I went in my room and took three selfies of myself in my new dress, striking various poses on all the pictures. Once I was done with this, I picked the three best selfies and posted them on Instagram with the following caption:

“I found this amazing dress today at JCPenney! I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to able to find a good dress since it was the last day of the sale, but I was lucky enough to find this gorgeous thing just in time. If you think I look great here, just imagine how amazing I’ll look when I wear this on prom night.”

Once I’d had dinner at six o’clock, the picture had been up for an hour and already had ten likes, including one from Britney.

 By the time I went to bed at ten, it had gotten thirty- two likes.

And this morning, it has forty- six likes, making it my most liked Instagram post ever.

I have to do my best to stay focused on getting ready for school when all I want to do is call Britney and tell her how lucky I got with both the dress and the new post. However, once I’m preparing to eat breakfast, my phone starts ringing and I immediately notice her name under the caller ID.

“Hi, Britney,” I say when I answer it.

“Hey, Lilli. How are you doing? I see things went well for you at JCPenney yesterday.”

“Yeah. Don’t you think that dress looks amazing?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t have liked your Instagram post if I didn’t.”

“I think it’s my most popular post ever.”

“The fact that you know that already is bit concerning. Don’t tell me you’ve been keeping track of every like you’ve been getting.”

I roll my eyes. “Britney, you’re the last person who should be worried over that. If anything, you’re a lot more obsessed with social media than I am.”

“If by obsessed, you mean that I post quite often, I already know that’s true. However, I have a ton of followers on all my platforms, while you have less than a hundred fifty people following you on Instagram. Therefore, if one of your posts goes viral, you’re more likely to give it your undivided attention, whereas I could easily talk about a viral post while making dinner or going for a walk with a friend. You see what I mean.”

I sigh. “You’re certainly not lying.” I know that because I once had Britney casually bring up how popular a picture of her with the dance team was on Instagram as the two of us were studying for a history test. She was talking about how it had gotten fifty likes one minute and then bringing up Civil War vocabulary the next. I sometimes wish I could be the same way about my own social media engagement.

“But anyway, at least we now know the two of us will look fabulous when we’re at prom. Just think of how jealous some of the girls in school must already be, and how many guys are probably considering us as prom dates.”

I can’t get myself to tell her that I haven’t seriously considered going to the prom with a date. Sure, I’ve sometimes looked at certain boys in my classes or the cafeteria and wondered what it’d be like to be their prom date, but it’s never been more than just a fun little daydream for me. Very few guys in school talk to me to begin with, so how can I expect even one of them to be interested in taking me to prom? Also, I’ve never been very boy crazy. I may have watched a ton of teen movies about prom when I was younger, but I was more interested in the main event itself that the handsome guy the main character was usually lucky enough to get by the end of the movie. Sure, I still thought it would be cool if I got someone as great as the guys in those movies, yet I think I would be just as happy if I only accompany Britney and two other friends. Now that I’ve got the dress, it’s as if I have my golden ticket for a great prom experience already.

“Anyway, I’ve got to get going,” Britney says. “You know I can’t function well enough in school if I don’t have a good breakfast. We’ll talk more about this in school. See you later.”

“Sure. See you soon.”

 As expected, Cassandra doesn’t mention anything about the post as we have breakfast together. She doesn’t check Instagram anywhere near as much as I do, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she doesn’t know anything about it yet, and we remain silent as we eat our cereal and toast.

However, before she takes off for work, she says, “I’m going to be having a meeting with my blogging coach today, so I’ll be an hour two late in getting home. I’ll be meeting my new blogging partner today.”

“Sounds cool. Do you know if you’ll be paired with someone close to your age?”

“I don’t know, but since most writers on Scrollers are between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four, I’d say it’s a possibility.”

“Obviously. Anyway, I hope it all goes well for you. Maybe this blogging partner of yours will turn out being a good friend.”

“We’ll see about that,” Cassandra says, her eyes aimed towards the bag hanging by her chair as she talks to me. She then opens it up and takes a handful of money out, handing it over to me.  “Here’s twenty-five dollars. Spend it on anything you want, but just remember one thing before you take it.”

“And what is that?” I ask, surprised over how Cassandra is willingly giving me money. She usually only does this for my birthday and Christmas.

“Promise that you’ll follow through with what’s required of you in the schedule and anything I want from you this whole week. If you do that, not only do you get this extra cash, but I’ll also consider adjusting the schedule so we can spend more time together. However, if you don’t do this, you’ll have to give back the money and the schedule will remain as it is. Is that fine with you?”

“Sure,” I say. “And thanks for doing this. It’s good to see that you’re considering changing a few things.”

Cassandra gives me a small smile. “Just go along with the promise and we’ll see how much we can both change things around here.”

                                                               …

While on the bus, I try focusing on many things. I attempt reading two pages from a novel, going over my math homework, and even skimming over some random forms I got from my guidance counselor last month. However, my mind keeps going back to my post and how much more attention it must be getting. And being the way I am, I can’t ignore this urge for too long. Seven minutes into the ride to school, I put away my phone and grab my phone with desperation.

Once I’m back on Instagram, I notice my post has gotten two more likes and several more comments. It now has a total of eight comments, but I hadn’t bothered reading any of them before because I was too nervous to find out what other people are saying about me. However, my self-consciousness has slowly worn off, and I now look through all the comments. Half of them are just a bunch of heart and happy face emojis from classmates I don’t know that well, while the more thought out ones say the following:

“Wow, Lilli! You look awesome in that dress! Good luck finding a date.”

“You’re so lucky to have gotten something during the sale. I wanted to get a dress too, but I don’t get my paycheck till next, so I had to skip it.”

“Looking gorgeous! Feel free to invite me to prom if you’d like to.”

And then there’s this comment:

“Just look at how far you’re willing to go for attention. You may as well have taken a picture of yourself naked. Just because you found a nice prom dress doesn’t mean you’re suddenly popular. Get over yourself.”

At first, I only feel slightly offended, feeling as if this person had just written this in a fit of jealousy. They went by Luv V. on Instagram, so I didn’t know for sure who it was, which is probably another reason I should simply ignore it. But the more I think about, the angrier I feel over it. Did they seriously think what I was doing was so conceited that I deserved that sort of comment? Would they have dared say this to my face if they’d seen me wearing this dress in person? Or what if it had nothing to do with the way I looked and more with what that person already thought of me.

If Cassandra were to see me right now, she obviously wouldn’t be impressed over how upset I was getting over some stupid online comment. She’d probably demand I give back the twenty-five dollars right away, or just tell me I was getting upset over nothing. However, I can’t help the way I feel. I’d been getting a level of attention I’ve never gotten before, with many people liking my picture and saying nice things about it. And suddenly, someone has to come in and make a nasty comment about me. It should be nothing to get so worked up over, yet it feels as if someone had slapped me in the face.

I tend to give Cassandra a hard time over getting so obsessed over things, and yet here I am doing the same thing. Sometimes we act more alike than I’m willing to admit.

                                                                           …

During lunch, I notice the girls from Britney’s dance team talking animatedly with a group of guys. Some of them are the same ones that have tried messing around with Britney and me the other day. They laugh at several of the things they say, and the girls give them charming smiles in exchange.

Once they notice me walking by, the laughter and talking stop. At least one of the guys smirks at me, while another looks as if he’s trying too hard not to laugh. This makes it obvious to me that they must have something they want to hide from me.

At last, one of the girls says, “Hey, Lilli? What’s up?”

“Oh, I’m doing okay,” I say. “It’s been an interesting morning for me.”

“I can imagine why. That picture you took of yourself in your new dress has sure got a lot of attention on social media, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah. I’ve already had four people bring it up during my classes.”

And it’s true. During English class, a girl told me she thought I looked great in the dress, and a friend of hers said she’d gotten a dress herself during the sale and while she likes it, she thinks mine is even better. And during Sociology, a guy said I should have tried wearing my new dress today, while another guy in study hall said I may look plain with what I was wearing now, but I wasn’t fooling anyone with that dress on Instagram. “You can look amazing more often if you just put in some effort,” he’d said. I’d simply told him to mind his own business, but I still stared at my plain blue shirt and jeans for a while, wondering if I really could pull off a better look.

“And have people been complimenting you on how it looked?” another girl asks.

“Some have. It’s nothing big really.”

“I don’t believe that. Why not tell us what they’ve told you?”

“Can you let it go? I don’t think she wants to talk about it,” I hear Patrick say.

“But there’s no harm in sharing. Why not tell us, Lilli? Were you told anything that embarrassed you?”

“I don’t think a girl as pretty as you would be getting insulted by anyone,” a guy says.

“How can you be so sure?” I ask. “Pretty girls get insulted all the time. Have you not heard some of things said about even some of the most popular girls in our classes?”

“She has a point. My ex -girlfriend was such a gossip that she would always say nasty things about even the most beautiful girls in their classes, saying they were too skinny or had noses that were too big or something else that’s completely pointless,” another guy says.

I sigh. They’re probably not going to be leaving me alone anytime soon. And so, I decide to come clean with what I’ve been thinking about since the ride on the bus: “If you guys really want to know, someone insulted me on Instagram. They accused me of trying to bring attention to myself and said that I wasn’t popular now just because I bought a nice prom dress.”

Some the girls gasp, while one guy whistles.

“Boy, do some people know how to diss others,” one of the guys says.

“They sound like a complete piece of shit. If you see someone looking great and the first thing you do is insult them, there’s got to be something wrong with you,” someone else says.

“Did you see who it was that wrote that, Lilli?” Patrick asks.

“No. They were under a fake name,” I respond.

“Then you’re probably dealing with a troll. If you don’t hear from them again, you could just ignore them. There’s always someone like that online looking to stir up trouble and insult others online. But if continue making these sorts of comments on your posts, that’s when you should report them.”

“I say she should diss them right back! Write something like ‘I bet you’re only saying shit like this because you’re so ugly yourself’ or ‘If you’re so confident saying this, why are you hiding behind a fake account?’ That will show them,” another guy says.

“No way. That will only provoke more fighting, and this person’s insults will only get worse,” Patrick says.

“He’s right. You should probably just ignore this account, Lilli, or block them if you think you have to,” one of the girls says.

“Whatever. She seems to be making a big deal out of nothing,” another girl says.

“Well, I’m not use to get insulted online,” I say.

“Some of us get comments like this at least once a week, and they can be worse than the one you got. Consider yourself lucky to not have to get them more often.”

I shake my head and say, “Whatever. I’ll see you guys later.” Still not seeing Britney around, I go sit at one of the empty tables. Upon checking my phone, I notice a text from her saying that she’s getting help from one of her classmates from Calculus on account of getting a bad grade on a recent test. As part of the dance team, she can’t get a failing grade in any classes, so if she’s ever having trouble in class, she has to get help as soon as possible. Although I understand this, I’m still not too happy about having lunch alone.

I’m halfway through eating my sandwich when I notice Patrick has seated himself next to me. “Hey, Lilli. Do you mind if I stick around for a while?” he asks.

“That’s fine,” I say. He certainly proved himself to be one of the least annoying people from the group, after all.

And of course, one of the first things he tells me is “Sorry about what some of the guys were saying. They can be very immature sometimes, even they don’t mean to be jerks.”

“Oh, I’m not too upset about it. I’m used to seeing guys act that way. It’s just the whole Instagram thing that’s bothering me more than it should. I can’t seem to get over it.”

“I get it. The first time someone insulted me online, I got very upset too. It was my mom that had to convince me to calm down over it.”

I try to imagine who would ever try insulting someone like Patrick. He has light brown hair that’s always well combed, and he’s a little muscular too. He used to be in the basketball team until this year, when something happened within his family that forced him to not join the team as a senior. He still does some work for Student Council and Key Club, but not frequently due to how much he’s needed at home. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been quite popular, but it’s never made him a jerk. On the occasions where I’ve talked to him, he’s always seemed down to Earth and friendly. You tend to forget he’s as popular as he is.

“You’re really going to hate me now, but I can’t seem to remember what class we were in before. Was it Sophomore English or Consumer Ed?” he now asks.

I don’t seem to be bothered by this question that much. I tend to forget about half of the classes I had with certain people, especially considering how large most of my classes tend to be. However, it doesn’t take me long to remember the one class I had with Patrick. “It was Sophomore English. I remember how you always had interesting points to make about To Kill a Mockingbird and Macbeth.”

“Oh, yeah. If I’m really into what we’re reading for class, I’ll have a lot to say about it.”

“Are you usually a big reader?”

“Sometimes. I usually enjoy reading mysteries or horror novels, but I like some of the classics as well. I really wish our English classes would teach books like Tom Sawyer or The Three Musketeers. You’d probably hear less people complaining about the classics if they had to read those books.”

“Or they would probably still hate them simply because they’re required reading.”

“You’re probably right about that,” he says with a chuckle. “What about you? Are you a reader?”

“I don’t think I’m much of one. Every once and a while, I’ll read a book I really enjoy. But I usually can’t commit to reading much which isn’t required for school. My sister, on the other hand, loves reading. She’s currently a library worker, so she gets to be around books all day.”

“All right. What would you say is the last book you read that you really enjoyed?”

This is easy for me to answer. “My Sister’s Keeper. I loved the complex relationship between the family members in that story.” I could tell him more about it, but I don’t want to go into how much it reminds me of my own relationship with Cassandra and all the stuff that went on with our mom. I don’t feel ready to open with him about that yet.

Patrick nods. “I read that one before and enjoyed it too. As for me, the last book I read that I had a blast reading was Pet Sementary. It’s very creepy and will certainly make you think twice about whether you’d want to bring people or pets that you’ve lost back to life.”

“Well, I don’t know if I could get through a book like that, but it still sounds interesting.”

“Fair enough. And if you don’t mind me saying so, I think you’re interesting to talk to. Would you like to sit together for lunch again tomorrow?”

“Sure, but would you mind if my friend Britney joins us? She usually sits with me, but she had something going on today, which is why I was sitting by myself just now.”

“That would be fine. I know Britney, and she’s always fun company. I’ll certainly look forward to it now.”

I smile. Things have certainly taken a turn for the better now. I may have been insulted for the first time online, but I now managed to talk to a great guy. For all the bad stuff that goes on, something good can still happen. I hope things can stay this way.